Last week was absolutely devastating. I wandered around lost in a haze of pain fighting an impulse to tear out my heart just so it would finally stop hurting.
This Monday morning isn't so bad. The pain is down and the energy is up. We'll see if this condition lasts more than an hour.
This week's adoption-related To-Do List: a writing assignment from my therapist (the peril of working with a former teacher -- you get homework), and researching ways to minimize the pain of reunion. Reunion has always been too scary to contemplate. Why tear open all those old wounds in yourself and other people? Why be the immediate instigator of all that terrible anguish? I'm not some silly child who thinks it's all going to be flowers and butterflies and the pony she didn't get when she was ten. I'm an adult, and I know it's going to hurt me and my birth family like the literal definition of Hell. So before traipsing into the unknown, I'd like to find out some more about protection.