I'm a gifted adult survivor of child abuse by my adopted parents, who left me with chronic depression, PTSD, and a touch of autism for good measure. Here I examine the fragments of my past. It's enlightening but not pleasant. You've been warned.

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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

There Are No Good Adoptions

By now you know that I was adopted by child abusers.  It's a sad story, and a way more common story than you probably think, but it's not every adoptee's story.  Some adoptees have good and loving adoptive parents who take care of them.

But good adoptive parents do not make for good adoptions.  Adoption is always a searingly horrific act that tears a child away from the person the child was born believing would care for him.  Even when the child has already endured horrific acts and the adoption takes place to save the child's life it's one more tragedy in a long line of tragedies.

A baby comes out of the womb knowing who the mother is; knowing her voice, her scent, knowing that safety is to be found with her and only with her.   When she isn't there, no where in this world is safe and no one in this world is to be trusted.   That alienation never goes away.  Some of us get really good at hiding it but it's always there, leaving us papering over staggeringly high levels of depression and anxiety according to therapists who work with adoptees.

Loving adoptive parents can't change that fact.  They can, if they are wise and brave, help an adopted child address that despair, but they can't make it go away.

By the same token there are not "healthy babies waiting for adoption".  There never were any "healthy babies waiting for adoption".  It's a lie told by adoption agencies to get more customers.  But any child who needs adoption, whether newborn or teenager, is already emotionally handicapped simply because they've gone through a tragic experience which leaves them needing an adoption in the first place.

An adoption may or may not be a rescue, but every adoption is a tragedy.

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